Before I get to today's post I want to thank everybody for stopping by!  I'd like to hear some comments though.  Am I reaching anybody?  Am I making any sense?  Anybody have anything helpful to say?


    I always wondered how other parents felt when their children came to be a certain age, when it was time to push them out of the nest to make their way on their own.  There comes a time when people look forward to their life without the children underfoot and the children can’t wait to get out on their own, go to college, get a job, make their own life.  I didn’t have the “luxury” of those feelings because I was sure I’d have “A” with me until I died.  He couldn’t go into a store or classroom.  He can’t cook anything.  He can’t use a stove, he’s afraid to.  He’d never be able to make it happen on his own.  He has a plan to write books, publish and then when I die he goes on a long hike across America, seeing what he can see, scavenging, maybe going to California and living on the beach.  Sounds lovely, but impractical.  I’ll be dead so I can’t worry.  He doesn’t care what happens to him so he’s willing to take his chances.  Anything but living with his dad.

    Then we had a big slap in the face from reality.  My ex-husband is probably the best ex-husband on the planet.  He deposits child support in my account with out fail every pay day.  He does this without force from a court order and has been known to put in extra when needed.  My finances have been a mess for months.  We’ve been living far too deep in the negative.  My phone and internet access were cut off and we were pretty much out of food.  Pay day came and there was no deposit.  He does something every once in a while that pisses me off to no end.  He turns off his phone for days at a time and for all intents and purposes disappears from the face of the Earth.  It scares the crap out of us.  Even though I can’t live with him, I still care about him and his well being and I knew he’d been having heart trouble.  That weekend he decided to disappear.  While we were trying to reach him with my cell phone we feared the worst.  My son, who usually never thinks about the future other than when the next Yugi Oh card release is, suddenly had a coherent plan that involved getting his GED, getting a job at Barnes and Noble and his own studio apartment. He said I could move back in with my boyfriend and we could both make it.  That was such a huge step for him I can’t believe it yet, several weeks later.

    It all worked out.  My ex had forgotten it was pay day.  I reached him after three days of anguish and he was just befuddled.  It amazes me that anybody can live in a way that pay day can be forgotten, but he is safe and that’s all I was worried about.   That leaves me to face a new fear that I thought would never come.  What if my son has actually progressed to the point where he can take a class and get his GED?  What if he does get a job and his own apartment?  How will it feel to not be with him every minute of every day?  It scares me.  I don’t think I could ever be ready for it.  I’m afraid if he gets his own place and I’m living with my boyfriend again that I will never see him again.  In fact I’m terrified of the day that happens.  Do other parents feel the same way, or are they relieved when their little birds leave the nest and fly away?