His underwear doesn’t fit.  I spent $15 I didn’t really have to buy new underwear two weeks ago.  He insisted he needed mediums and I thought he needed large.  I bought large.  I washed them.  I had to go back for medium.  Another $15. They didn’t fit so he switched to the large.  Now they stretch funny and they don’t fit either.  He’s been crying and breaking things for two days because his underwear doesn’t fit and it hurts.  So, back to the store to spend another $15 I don’t have plus $35 for the overdraft fee for a different brand of underwear. 

    Yesterday something fell off a tub in the hallway as he was walking by and it touched him!  That tantrum because he didn’t know what to do to fix it caused 7 holes to be punched in a bifold door in the hall.  That wasn’t enough damage so he cut his arm.  I can’t take this pressure!  I know it only lasts a little while. 

    By the time I got back from the store with the underwear he was all smiles.  He showed me the difference between the two brands of underwear and they were significant.  The new mediums were larger than the old ones, yet smaller than the old/new large.  Hopefully they will fit and I won’t have to hear him complain and cry for the next two weeks.  Since there basically are only two brands I don’t know what I will do if they don’t fit or “wear funny.” 

    I honestly don’t know how I avoid killing us both to end the misery and the hopelessness I feel.  I was feeling so hopeful.  He had been doing better, going into the book store and the grocery store, talking about getting his GED and a job.  There hadn’t been a tantrum in nearly a week.  He started learning to knit.  Now I feel like the whole thing is in the dumpster.  I feel like I’m stuck in this apartment until I die because I can’t afford to pay for the damage he’s caused.  I feel like I can’t mention any progress because it will all go away if I do.